With it’s fortresses, complex politics, cold northern battles, and entitled southern lords, the Premier League has plenty in common with hit TV series Game of Thrones. Here’s a list of Premier League clubs and their GoT counterparts.
Arsenal – Sansa Stark
Spoiled, often deluded, but undeniably attractive, Arsenal have had a rough time over the last few seasons, which has given them something of a reality check. You know that they will always be major players, but despite trying extra hard to convince everyone that they’re tough, they ultimately lack the balls to take the crown.
Bournemouth – Grey Worm
We see them at the start of every season, and think ‘there’s no way they’re surviving till the end’, yet here they are, battling it out, and occasionally causing a few upsets against the big boys. Eventually, both Grey Worm and Bournemouth will probably run out of luck, but let’s try and enjoy them while they’re still here.
Brighton and Hove Albion – Ser Davos
Other than the obvious shared affinity with the sea, Brighton and Ser Davos are both quiet, likeable, and happy to take a back seat while everyone else battles for glory. They have produced a few surprises and we can see them sticking around for a while.
Burnley – Bronn
Strong, direct, and certainly a little rough round the edges, there are a number of parallels between Burnley and everyone’s favourite sell-sword Bronn. They don’t make a fuss and they get the job done, without feeling the need to brag about titles or past glory. Don’t be surprised to see these two fierce entities in it for the long haul.
Chelsea – Cersei Lannister
The current champions of their respective stories, Chelsea and Cersei Lannister are the powerful foes we love to hate. They’re strategic, entitled, happy to boast from their thrones in the capital, and are often at their best when backed into a corner. Most importantly, if things ever get too desperate, they have plenty of cash to help bail them out of bad situations.
Crystal Palace – Stannis Baratheon
Like Stannis Baratheon, Crystal Palace have always had something of a chip on their shoulder, for never being quite as strong as their southern contemporaries. It’s all well and good having grand ambitions, but if you haven’t got the game plan to back it up, you could find yourself left for dead come winter.
Everton – Jon Snow
Eternal underdogs with a rich history that has been all but forgotten. Everton have plenty in common with brooding heartthrob Jon Snow. They’re not afraid of scrapping with the major players, have come back from the dead a couple of times, but ultimately lack the cash and killer instinct to make it to the top. Both Everton and Jon Snow have lost a few allies along the way, yet with a chubby bloke named Sam in their corner, who knows what they can achieve in the future.
Huddersfield Town – Melisandre
Having no notable allies or titles, both Huddersfield and Melisandre have been forced to perform a few miracles to keep themselves in the game. They’ve seemingly appeared from nowhere, suffered multiple losses away from home, but their mysterious nature has helped them hold their own against the big boys on more than one occasion.
Leicester City – Oberyn Martell
Lightening quick and surprisingly skilful, you get the feeling that they could beat anyone on their day. They turned up for a season, made everyone fall in love with them, and as soon as they claimed a major victory, they got their skulls smashed in.
Liverpool – Daenerys Targaryen
These two major players have a habit of chirping on about their respective dynasties, and should probably have tried to adapt better to the current landscape than bask in the glories of the past. Headstrong and fearless, they’re quick to go on the offensive, often giving their enemies a chance to smash their defences. They’ll both be around till the bitter end, but will probably fall at the final hurdle.
Manchester City – Tyrion Lannister
Having been mocked for years by their more successful siblings, these two major players have become obsessed with toppling every one of their rivals. They spent numerous seasons squandering their limitless wealth, before finally masterminding a way to get to the top of the ladder. They may be dwarfs, but they’re the most powerful dwarfs on the planet.
Manchester United – Jaime Lannister
Years of wealth and glory has made them arrogant, but the loss of a revered patriarch has made them realise that they may not be as dominant as they once thought. These two major players will have to go through a number of trials and tribulations before they can recapture the spark that once made them great, but rule them out at your peril.
Newcastle United – Jorah Mormont
These fierce northerners have been to hell and back over the last couple of seasons. Their former glories are all but a distant memory, and they have been forced to suffer for selling people that they shouldn’t have. With a strong leader guiding them, they are now back on the right track, and may one day find themselves at peace.
Southampton – Gendry
A few seasons ago we couldn’t help but get excited about them. They were strong, organised, and possessed all of the traits of a major player. But years of floating around lost in the wilderness, only occasionally coming in an out of the story, has made for boring viewing, and for the most part, we’ve stopped caring about them.
Stoke City – The Hound
Tough, weirdly charismatic, and impossible to break down, Stoke and The Hound are the perfect match. They don’t have time for the major players, they don’t seem to care about glory, and for some reason they’ve developed a cult following. Both of these giants will be around come the end of the story, but they’ll be too busy enjoying a scrap to notice what’s going on around them.
Swansea City – Samwell Tarly
Forced onto the scene with no apparent survival skills, nobody expected these guys to stick around for very long. But five or six seasons later, they have managed to become consistent players in their respective stories. What they lack in strength and finesse they almost definitely make up for in intelligence and creativity, and don’t be surprised to see them sticking around for a little while longer.
Tottenham Hotspur – Arya Stark
Having fought their way through numerous setbacks, both Tottenham and Arya Stark are finally beginning to look like major players. They have had to change their identity a few times, but adversity has made them strong, and even though they still have a way to go before they can climb to the top of the pile, they have definitely managed to instil fear in their opponents.
Watford – Margaery Tyrell
Like Margery Tyrell, Watford seem to have punched well above their weight in recent years. They have held their own against the big boys, and convinced their mid-table contemporaries that they are not to be taken lightly. Margery could only manage to maintain the illusion of power for so long before she was ultimately destroyed by a stronger rival. Will Watford suffer a similar fate?
West Bromwich Albion – Lord Varys
West Brom came from humble beginnings, bullied their way into the limelight, and seem to have stuck around ever since – in no small part due to a bald-headed magician with a penchant for survival. Pulis may have gone, but like Lord Varys, the Baggies will keep on paddling.
West Ham United – Petyr Baelish
Despite their small stature, both West Ham and Petyr Baelish managed to push themselves into a position of power and influence, adding to their pre-existing delusions of grandeur. When Petyr Baelish found his back against the wall, his only option was to make a desperate play in hopes of survival. If only Littlefinger had David Moyes in his corner.